READ WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN IN MY BLOG AND THEN I HOPE YOU FUCKING REALISE WHY I WANTED TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU.

;;9:29 PM

All I want is to love and be loved in return. I want to escape. I want to be free. I can't have all three things because one gets in the other. I don't want to continue hurting the one person that has been there for me. I don't want to disappoint the people that have taken the time to look after me. I don't want people to feel obliged to do things for me, or feel obliged to talk/listen to me. I feel as though I am a burden. To everyone around. Especially to him.

All I've ever asked for is a normal life. It may look as though I have it but I don't. It has never been normal. I may sound as though I am whining, as though I am taking everything for granted, which maybe I am, but I don't care. This is how I feel. Fucking useless.

;;7:47 PM

Ooops I haven't been blogging at all lately.... My bad. So much has been happening!
Well, Canberra was lots of fun, it was great to spend it with Nelson.
Um, there have been lots of issues with my living arrangements which have sucked.
I found out what a douchebag ACTUALLY WAS.
Went to Sydney Boys for a chinese new year dinner thing - saw the boys lion dance again.
Hmm.. What else...
Well I had a fight with my housemate last night and so things are quite frosty.
My relationship with Nelson is starting to strain.. ALOT. This saddens me.

Yeah.. So that's my update.

I'm scared for my future.....

;;5:12 PM

OMG OMG I've had two had great days <3

YESTERDAY was the cancelled swimming carnival. So what did I do? I didn't go to school of course! I met up with shirley, linda, may and rita and jackie for a tiny bit. After a ridiculous amount of photos/random conversation/pure awesomeness I sadly had to leave. I then met up with Nelson at Bondi, who must I say looked super sexy! He handed in his resume to Glue and Onitsuka Tiger. I also bought a sexy white jacket from onitsuka tiger too! Its awesome =] AND AND AND I also got Nelson an I LOVE TASH SHIRT! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!! And I also got a pair of black heels ^^ we shopped for agessssssssss in Bondi + Broadway and then he vroom vrooooomed me back to Randwick. There I bumped into Angel, Se on and Maria and bummed with them til 6.15 then I went home =]

TODAY I went to school, forgot about the morning class... class was dull but I got to see Nelson for lunch xD I also got a new haircut and silk fuscia (is that how you spell it?) skirt =] the skirt was pretty expensive and I don't know how to wear it but it is seriously the sex! AND AND AND AND AND THE BEST NEWS IS THAT I CAN GO TO CANBERRA WITH HIM ON VALENTINES DAY WITH HIS LION DANCING GROUP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY XD but also guilty and saddened by the fact that I have to dog pat. I'm sorry :(

lalalalallalalalalalalallalalalalala

I wonder what Nelson is up to right now. He hasn't replied to any of my messages =\

;;9:05 PM

here is my response to mays blog <33333
I LOVE YOU MAY. 1647 ftw!


Definition of Fallopian tube
Fallopian tube: One of the two Fallopian tubes that transport the egg from the ovary to the uterus (the womb). In the diagram, the Fallopian tubes are not labeled but are well shown running between the uterus and ovaries.


The Fallopian tubes have small hair-like projections called cilia on the cells of the lining. These tubal cilia are essential to the movement of the egg through the tube into the uterus. If the tubal cilia are damaged by infection, the egg may not get 'pushed along' normally but may stay in the tube.

Infection can also cause partial or complete blockage of the tube with scar tissue, physically preventing the egg from getting to the uterus.

Any process (such as infection, endometriosis, tumors, or scar tissue in the pelvis (pelvic adhesions) that cause twisting or chinking of the tube) that damages the Fallopian tube or narrows its diameter increases the chance of an ectopic pregnancy: a pregnancy developing in the Fallopian tube or another abnormal location outside the uterus.

These tubes bear the name of Gabriele Falloppio (also spelled Falloppia), a 16th-century (c. 1523-62) Italian physician and surgeon who was expert in anatomy, physiology and pharmacology. He was an early expert on syphilis and one of the great surgeons of the age. Of the various works by Falloppio only the "Observationes anatomicae", a work of great originality, was published during his lifetime. In it he made a number of contributions to the knowledge of centers of ossification, to the detailed account of muscles, and to the understanding of the vascular system and the kidneys. His description of the uterine tubes was sufficiently accurate that they bear his name. With Vesalius and Eustachi, Fallopio is often seen as one of the three heroes of anatomy.

;;1:56 PM

I DO NOT LIKE BEING LECTURED
i understand you're looking out for me, but please, do not lecture me. you will only push me away even further. i hate how you are after a fight. i tend to blow off my steam quickly and am happy to go into normal conversation again. you on the other hand keep on acting shitty and therefore aggravate me more. but no matter, im just writing this to blow steam, hence the bad grammar. i still love you with all my heart. i just dont understand why you constantly bother with me.

;;1:46 PM

life is fucked up.

im failing my english exam.
i really don't care anymore.

home life? fucked. i can't take it here anymore.
school life? FUCKED. i have no motivation anymore.
work i.e. money? NONE. i quit my job.
boyfriend? my only shining star <3
i'm drowning in a river and only he has been bothered to reach out and try to save me... i love you babe. i'm sorry for hurting you.

my life is unravelling once more. only this time.. i think its too late to put it back together.

;;10:16 PM

Inflation here, recession there, GDP this BLAH BLAH BLAH! School was dull -_-"
Double eco was actually kind of interesting but i fell asleep as usual. Its such a bad habit! Then i had a free and saw nelson =] we had lunch in the grassy area near the beach at coogee <3 then english where i was talking about my self-selected texts. NTS: WRITE ABOUT TEXTS THIS WEEKEND. DUE MONDAY. I love the book i'm doing. It's fantastic and defintely leaves an impression on you. The Three Incestuous Sisters read it if you can! Then history ext was gaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy! We are immature! SO WHAT!! It's not our fault your a crap teacher who is really really really really like really good at convincing us to keep this subject! GAH! And i hate my project! LIKE FUCK OFF HITLER I HATE YOU!!! Then i had a free then modern history - which i slept through again =] BUT during that lesson i also learnt that pat was sick =[ i hope you get better pat! Don't party or study too hard this weekend! Now i am off to see nelson lion dance in the city tonight =] i can't wait to see you babe!

;;7:13 PM

SOME MOTHERBEEPING MOSQUITO JUST BIT ME ON THE ELBOW!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU STUPID FUCKSHIT!

So I've been naughty and haven't blogged for a while. Not much has really happened.. Well not much to bitch about anyways =P

Australia Day
I woke up at 6am to see nelson, got to his at around 7am =] it was good to see him as i hadn't seen him in a while due to lion dancing.. Went to starbucks for a coffee by myself at around 9.30 then met up with Pat at around 10ish. It was so awesome catching up with Pat that day. We walked up to circular quay and watched a band playing, microwave jenny, and chatted =] then he had to leave at around 2.45. Hung out with talia and john for a bit, saw wai yih and susan, then went home. It was a good day =]

Tuesday
Nelson came and picked me up and we went to Flemington to lion dance (him not me obviously) IT TOOK THEM 4 FRIGGING HOURS TO DO TWO STREETS! Let me put this into perspective, it took them 4 hours to do the whole of chinatown. GAH! It was fun nonetheless but i got a headache from it =[ damn firecrackers. It was also great seeing nelson's ass shake around. I felt so happy that day <3

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
It was so bloody awesome seeing everyone.. but i was late to school as usual, so i just made it on time for assembly -_-"" god i feel so old now that I'm in year 12. Its funny how this is my LAST first day back of the year.

BTW I JUST KILLED THE MOSQUITO! I killed it right... and all the blood is now on my palm,and there is heaps of it. IT TOOK ALL MY BLOOD!!!!!

Anyways, and yeah, it just feels so surreal! I left at lunch and got picked up by nelson <333 and had a late lunch with him and annie. It was good catching up with her too. Haven't seen her for about fifty billion years!

Today
Today i was naughty and didn't go to school. It was such a BS day (when i was a school) i had assembly in the morning, which was the same shit as yesterday, AND i shouldn't have gone to it because i had a DOUBLE FREE >=[ i left after period one and went to see the boyfriend to encourage him to hand out his resume! Which he did =D He also bought me two icecreams and lunch today so thankyou babe! I also TRIED to study when i got home. It didn't work out.

And last but definitely not least, try not to go emo on me okay? Not for that reason at least. Just like you say to me, THINK POSITIVE =D live each day as though it were your last. Don't worry about the problems you told me. Things will always work out in the end! And i am always ALWAYS here to listen to you <3

;;8:20 PM